DIARY OF A MADMAN

11:55 pm - I JUST LOVE IT WHEN ONE OF MY PRANKS WORKS...

www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/news/christchurch/3633513/Group-calls-mayor-evil-alien


"A Facebook page, claiming Christchurch Mayor Bob Parker is an alien bent on world domination, has attracted more than 200 members.

The ``Bob Parker is an Evil Space Lizard Awareness Movement'' page claims Parker ``is actually a malevolent extraterrestrial being on a mission of conquest and domination.

Parker refused to comment on the page when approached."

11:57 pm - MORE RABID FIRE WHORING...

The latest one here:

rabidkea.blogspot.com/2010/04/serepisos-ill-take-my-toys-and-go-home.html

Also, if you have a Farcebook, you can join the fan page:

www.facebook.com/pages/Rabid-Fire/116022205078012

10:50 pm - WHAT A BIG SURPRISE...

Blair Peach "almost definitely killed by police".

Check out the bit about the stash of non-standard weaponry and nazi regalia they found. Those SPG bastards were probably in the fucking National Front.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/world/europe/3629904/Blair-Peach-killed-by-police-say-reports

04:01 pm - STUFF AND THINGS...

Rabid Fire has been spreading like a, well, fire. It got a headline on The Standard yesterday.

http://www.thestandard.org.nz/mr-keys-exciting-washington-adventure/

And yes, I know it's pretty much a front for the Labour Party, but there's also other types there, and they do get credit for being good sports over my equally brutal take down of Phil Goff a few weeks ago.

It seems as if all these years of sneaky shit stirring are finally paying off. All I need now is for one of my targets to throw a public tantrum over having the borax poked at them and I've got it made.

Altruistically, I hope this project opens a few people's eyes to The System(tm) while they're having a good laugh at arseholes who deserve what I throw at them.

Selfishly, I hope I can sell some Rabid Fire t-shirts off the back of it and get some gold dubloons in my greasy palms for a change.

Anyone who sees those two aims as inherently contradictory and hypocritical obviously does not understand pirate logic.

In other news, I think I may make burgers for dinner. Waking up on my mate's couch this morning with half of one down my front hasn't put me off.

11:59 pm - New blog...

I have set up a new blog here: rabidkea.blogspot.com/ , especially for satirical purposes.

Check it out.

10:57 am - ACT Private Members Bill seeks to re-introduce slavery.

WELLINGTON


Sir Roger Douglas force choking a minion yesterday

ACT founder Sir Roger Douglas yesterday introduced a Private Members Bill to the house seeking to establish legalised slavery in New Zealand.

"In this economic climate, faced with rising unemployment, it is absolutely imperative that we establish slavery to kick start economic growth. It will get bludgers off welfare and provide opportunities for a hand up, not a hand out," said the wizened gnome of Manuwera to the Press Corp yesterday, glaring at them with his sinister deep set eyes.

"After only twenty to twenty five years of forced labour, slaves may even be freed by their masters if they are deemed worthy of having earned some basic human rights."

ACT leader Rodney Hide, when asked about the controversial bill, said that "It's simply a case of political correctness gone mad that there has never been institutionalised slavery in New Zealand, and it's high time that fresh ideas like this were tried out," before rushing away to penetrate a nubile bottle blonde twenty something with his oily penis, most likely smearing her with orange body paint in the whole disgusting process.

"Of course there will be the usual carping from socialists and other haters who would rather see New Zealand fail," he added, sweating heavily.

Auckland Mayor John Banks promised "I will be the first to voluntarily set up such a scheme if I am to become Supreme Overlord, I mean Mayor, of the new Auckland Supercity."

Sensible Sentencing Trust spokesman Garth McVickar also released a press statement saying that public whipping posts would have to be set up in main centres to deal with insolent and runaway slaves should the bill be passed.

Prime Minister John Key could not be reached for comment because he was on fucking holiday and would have most likely have said he was "Relaxed" in an infuriatingly non-committal, folksy fashion anyway.

02:48 pm - MICHAEL LAWS MISSING

Whanganui mayor, right wing talk back host, shit dancer and disturbing goblin man Michael Laws is missing and is feared to have disappeared up his own arse, a police search team said today in an official statement to media.
Laws was last seen yesterday on his high horse bravely snarling abuse at some schoolchildren and vanished soon afterwards.
"I saw him go all wobbly around the edges and there was this wet sucking noise" said a Whanganui Council staffer who wished to remain anonymous.
"The exact same thing happened when they put the H back in Whanganui and he refused to change any of the signs.  It was quite disgusting really, especially that noise.  That time though he just walked a bit funny for a few days and went around pulling a face like the dog had just shat on the carpet. Mind you he always looks like that" said the unnamed source.
"But this afternoon there was the sucking noise, then a big pop and he was gone.  His high horse was still there looking a bit confused but there was no trace of the mayor.  I've never seen anything like it."
Investigators flew in top theoretical physicist Dr Aleister Zarkov who scanned the Mayor's office with state of the art equipment from high energy research facility CERN in Switzerland.
"The extreme curvature of local space/time around Mr Law's last known location does indeed correspond to an individual disappearing up his own sphincter.  It's like that unfortunate christmas party in the Large Hadron Collider all over again" said the award winning boffin.  "The mayor may indeed be at the exact same co-ordinates as he was, but cut off from the rest of the universe by a bottle neck of extremely distorted spatial fabric centred on Mr Law's rectum behind an impenetrable event horizon not even light can escape from.  Your Michael Laws will be trapped for all eternity in an isolated pocket dimension with only himself for company."
"And good riddance to the smug little twat" he added.

NZGUTTERPRESS

04:26 pm - I'M STILL HERE...

Thanks for the nudge.

I am now down in Christchurch, the Garden Shitty for the time being, seeking gainful employment (groan) and about to start an IT course.  Nothing much witty or exciting to add at this point apart from:

Bill English - I once got caught double dipping into public troughs and probably due to the fact that I don't actually get to make the laws I had to give back $800 or so I had rightfully pirated to further the never ending war against my liver.  I knew I was wrong I just didn't give much of a fuck.  It's a fair cop but society is to blame, etc.

So give it back you sheep shagging two house left foot bung eyed fuck.

I can think of better uses for it.

04:52 pm - AMATEUR DRAMA CORNER...

12:56 pm - DUNEDIN...

Serra and I are in Dunedin for a few days for her graduation.  Haven't been here for a good few years.  It's rainy but always quite a homely place.



Robbie Burns and some bum yesterday...

In most town squares you're likely to find a statue of some arsehole politician, but in Dunedin, settled by the Scottish diaspora, you'll find a statue of a poet who wrote lots of stuff about the joys of getting plastered with your mates.

I think that's cool.

In other news, I'm hanging around Otago University at the moment waiting for Serra to get her gown fitted and catch up with a few old colleagues.  Wandering up a random corridor in search of a bathroom, I stumbled across a door that was marked "SPINAL CORD LABORATORY: AUTHORISED PERSONNEL ONLY".

Somewhat alarmingly, it was behind one of the cafes.

Fuck getting one of their pies...